POPULAR BRAND “TOYS R US” CHANGES NAME TO “TOYS R U” AND FINALLY “WE R ALL PLAYTHINGS IN THE EYES OF GOD”

i accidentally just wrote “the soviet onion” on my paper and now i can’t stop laughing

boys are like those characters in old video games that just stand around in random places outside buildings and on roofs and tell you weird stuff when you walk up to them and then leave

everybodys dad has a weird obsession with something

what if your tumblr followers list on the mobile app is arranged by who is going to die next

*walks in 15 minutes late with seinfeld bassline playing*

first theyre trying to take away my guns, now my soda? take warning fellow patriots; at the rate we’re going in the near future everybody might be relatively healthy and safe. and an america without obesity or semiautomatic weapons is not an america i want to be  a part of 

remember that really fucked up remix of the barney song that everyone used to sing as a kid where they kill barney instead of doing some other thing

party like its 1999 *downs a whole box of fruit gushers packets in 3 seconds*